I have come upon the conclusion that 2011 was probably the “hardest” year I’ve ever had.  Junior year had its ups and downs, but all I can remember is just a lot of work and not a lot of rest time.  But I know God gave me the strength to continue on and manage my priorities well.  From balancing schoolwork to extracurricular activities to serving Him in my youth group, God was able to bring me through all of that without having to sacrifice in any category.  It’s truly amazing how perfect hindsight is.  If you were to ask me how I was feeling during one of my roughest moments in 2011, I would have just complained and moped.  But looking back at it all now, it’s crazy how far God has taken me.  I have come to realize that God’s plan for you is always in the making.  It never really ends, and it’s all in some kind of weird cycle.  But the only advice this preschooler can offer is to keep fighting the good fight and make sure that every day is ended without any withstanding disdain or bitterness.  I’m thankful for the many new friends I have met this year, and for the many old ones that have continued to be a part of my life.  Without them, I would honestly be in a very dark place (who else would save me from creepy pedo basements?).

I think the greatest thing I have learned this year– and it is what’s driving me for this upcoming one, is that God’s work will never end for me until I die.  Everything that has ever happened– it’s all for a reason, whether it be completely inconceivable or flat-out simple.  There is always a purpose and a direction that my life is going in, and I pray that with each passing day, God can use me to bring His plan closer and closer to fruition.  I pray for my family, friends, and all of those that I have yet to meet:  I pray that in this new year they come to find peace and comfort in God’s arms, just as I have.

I found out on Friday that I’ve been accepted into the Wharton school of business at Penn!  My dad and I found out the decision together (my mom was at work), and when it came up “congratulations,” we embraced and cried.  It was pretty awesome.  Two handsome young men letting the tears fall and hugging it out.  My dad told me it all paid off, and that he was proud of me.  I felt so happy.   But I was blown away because I was hardly expecting admission to such a frickin awesome school.

I don’t really know how Penn became my  number one school, or why I suddenly changed interest from medicine to business.  But as the days go by, the more I am convinced that the way things have turned out are all God’s doing.   Sometime in late junior year, the name UPenn randomly pressed itself upon my conscience, and after doing research and etc., I knew that this was the school for me.  And so the parents and I made a trip up to visit last August and it was the first time I had ever been to Philadelphia since I was younger.   We didn’t get to do much in the city besides hit up Chinatown, but it was everything I was looking for:  a large city teeming with life and excitement.  I like Penn the most because it gives me a sheltered haven, but I don’t have to go far to experience the world around me and just soak it all in.

Anyhoo.  This was all God’s work.  He has given me the strength and motivation to study hard in school, but most importantly, He has led me through some really life-altering experiences that have molded me to the person I am.  And I think He is going to continue to do that at Penn.  I am so ready to go on this journey and see what business school in the city of brotherly love has to offer me!!!  I just have to survive the rest of high school now….so much senioritis.   I’m so grateful and am just overwhelmed with these surreal feelings.  Penn is my dream school, and I’m actually getting to go there.  Un-freakin-believable.

 I also hope everybody else finds peace during their college admissions processes.   It doesn’t seem fair that I have this all squared away while my peers are still freaking out and convulsing with anxiety.  I wish you all the best of luck, and I know that wherever you end up, it’s for a reason.  I haven’t heard anybody say they don’t like their university…so I suppose that’s proof that wherever you end up, it’ll be amazing.

I just hope I make friends there….I will need hot men to cuddle with when it snows.  And now I have to go shopping for winter clothes.  So irksome.  And thermal underwear. You’d be surprised how much warmer that makes the little soldiers.

I’ve been watching Pan Am on Hulu ever since it came out, and it is by far the best show I have ever seen ever.  What’s not to absolutely love about it?  It finds an entertaining way to convey the status of women during the 1960s as well as the nature of international affairs through a wonderfully entertaining medium of action, drama, and romance.

In other words.  People fall in love, make funny jokes, shoot people, etc.  I just love strong women.

Today in my scholastic bowl match, the question involved Emily Deschanel and the TV show “Bones.”  I watch Bones all the time, but it never occurred to me that Emily Deschanel was sisters with Zoey Deschanel.  I’M LIKE.  WAIAAAHTHTHTHT!!???   Because.  They’re both so awesome.  Dang.

I’ve been watching that show “New Girl” too with Zoey Deschanel in it, and she is so funny dang.  I wish I was like her.  But this is so crazy.  I can’t even think right now.  I’m in love.  With both of them.

LOOK AT THE RESEMBLANCE.

I wish my sibling and me were as hot as these two.  Sorry VA. But it’s true.  We’re ugly.

How linear the plans for our lives are.   We are to go to school and do our best.  Why?  After having it pounded into my head ever since I could understand language, it is so I can grow up and live a happy life.  So happy means having a family?  Getting a job?  Going on vacation to give me a taste of what non conformity might taste like?  I’m all for a family and getting a job.  I just don’t like how we all expect the same general things out of life.  Isn’t there more to all this than just getting that A now so we can start making lots and lots of money in the future?   The time from now and November 2, 2021 will most definitely be filled with many lovely events and experiences.  But thinking about it now, all I can see is the end goal.  The means by which that goal is reached is just void in my mind, and that kind of scares me because it reminds me how numbered my days are.  I better write a will now…

Note:  HAHAHAHA.  One of the recommended tags proposed by WordPress was “Depression.”   Oh noes.  It’s probably my self-diagnosed S.A.D kicking in.

One thing I do know is that I love this tree.  It’s just so beautiful.  I want to be an arborist and just frolic among the things that understand me.   But I want to be there right now,wherever this tree is and just sit under it and nap.  When I wake up, I’m going to just day dream and ponder, and slowly sip a nice cool glass of milk/beer if I’m 21+ by this time.

I just feel a wee bit sad because this weekend is a big one filled with busyness, and I just feel major dread looming over me at the prospect of having to finish things.  I probably have kakorrhaphiophobia.  I really think I do though, I guess that’s just the way I am.  I expect a lot from me, but at the same time I want to be relaxed and “chill.”  It’s hard sometimes to deny my true nature and find that balance between how much of the inherent me I want to keep and how much I want to purge.  Either way, I’ll get through this weekend just fine and I’ll look back on it all next weekend with content.

On a side note, I had the wonderful privilege in leading the youth group’s worship night just a few hours ago.  The feeling of knowing that you’re worshiping with a room full of others is something that is extraordinary and indescribable.   I’m happy to be where I am now, and I just have to keep in mind that I’m uber blessed.

I haven’t been praying as much lately.  And by lately, I mean I have seen myself over the past few months progress further and further down a path that’s become more devoid of truly seeking after God’s will.  It still meant worship of Him, but how sincere was this worship of mine if no fiber of my spiritual being wished to truly lay down in obedience to God?  I became more dependent on myself, and the humility that God was beginning to slowly work into the crevasses of my heart was swept away faster than it had arrived.  I think in some ways, it was not necessarily a need for my heart to be mollified by God, but it was more of a case of just not having enough time to really reflect on God’s will and sit down and pray.  It all seems simple to me now though.  How mistaken I was just chillin’ in my lofty, sanctimonious tower.   But what I have always like doing is going through my day and constantly just praying to God with the full consciousness of my mind.  While driving, while walking down the halls, while “listening” in class, I would find myself just thanking God for all the things He has done for me.  But I was deprived of the deep, reflective prayer that God really uses to speak to me.  So I am coming back to the commitment I made God that day almost two and a half years ago.  This isn’t for me or for anybody else other than God.  I am thankful for the air I breathe, the family around me, the friends God has so graciously surrounded me with, the humbling moments of God’s revelation of his being to me– all these things I am thankful for, and I can testify to their true worth and existence.  May I master the art of losing myself and submit to whatever God has in store for me.  I am constantly being reminded that it isn’t what God hasn’t done for me but what He has done.  Thank you Lord for watching over me and carrying me through these chapters of my life.

It’s so late.

It’s like–freaking, 3:30 AM, and I JUST finished all my homework and studying.  My schedule is horrible every other day…so I am going to have to figure out a way to make this easier on myself.  But at this point, I’ve kind of given up on feeling well-rested for tomorrow.  Hopefully it’ll all be okay!

But I am so hungry right now….and right when I was packing up my binders, etc, I was overcome with this smell of freshly-cooked ramen.  Straight out of the pack, sodium and msg-laden goodness and all.  I smelled it.  This must be what it’s like to hallucinate, and I must say it’s a wonderful experience.  But also terrifying at the same time because out of the corner of my eye, my brain keeps telling me that there is a man standing at my doorway with something white in his hand.  So I look every second, and there is nobody there.  Maybe it’s the imaginary waiter bringing me my ramen.  WHAT IF IT’S A GHOST CHEF?  WHAT IF MY HOUSE IS ACTUALLY THE SITE WHERE RAMEN WAS INVENTED?  AND THIS JOVIAL SPIRIT WOULD LIKE TO SHARE IN HIS TASTY WEALTH?  Or maybe I’m sleep-deprived, lonely, and using this blog to rant so as to help console myself against this railing sense of dreadful, sad isolation.  But I’ll pay the price of eternal loneliness if it gets me food.  I’m a guy.  We like food.  Instant gratification.

Lou Henry Hoover

Quite the looker...

Yeah, I don’t really do a “woman of the day” thing–that would simply be chauvinistic and so typically “male” of me to do. I’m better than that (not that much better, just a wee bit).  But just read this First Lady’s Wikipedia article and you shall see the reason for my deep-seated admiration for her.   I mean, she has two, very male names but was still able to snag a future President for a husband.  That’s ingenuity, power, and sexiness wrapped up into one very attractive package.  She is also still the only First Lady to know an Asian language, let alone CHINESE.  So, on behalf of all the Asian men, I endorse Lou Henry Hoover as our official posthumous spokesperson (if there is such a thing).  She is just plain awesome.  I wish I was her.