Confession time.
I haven’t been praying as much lately. And by lately, I mean I have seen myself over the past few months progress further and further down a path that’s become more devoid of truly seeking after God’s will. It still meant worship of Him, but how sincere was this worship of mine if no fiber of my spiritual being wished to truly lay down in obedience to God? I became more dependent on myself, and the humility that God was beginning to slowly work into the crevasses of my heart was swept away faster than it had arrived. I think in some ways, it was not necessarily a need for my heart to be mollified by God, but it was more of a case of just not having enough time to really reflect on God’s will and sit down and pray. It all seems simple to me now though. How mistaken I was just chillin’ in my lofty, sanctimonious tower. But what I have always like doing is going through my day and constantly just praying to God with the full consciousness of my mind. While driving, while walking down the halls, while “listening” in class, I would find myself just thanking God for all the things He has done for me. But I was deprived of the deep, reflective prayer that God really uses to speak to me. So I am coming back to the commitment I made God that day almost two and a half years ago. This isn’t for me or for anybody else other than God. I am thankful for the air I breathe, the family around me, the friends God has so graciously surrounded me with, the humbling moments of God’s revelation of his being to me– all these things I am thankful for, and I can testify to their true worth and existence. May I master the art of losing myself and submit to whatever God has in store for me. I am constantly being reminded that it isn’t what God hasn’t done for me but what He has done. Thank you Lord for watching over me and carrying me through these chapters of my life.
